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I can’t write for very long. This is why!

August 4, 2010

It all starts so innocently. I wake up and think, “Hey, yes, I think I’ll write today!” And then I get dressed and then I eat breakfast and then I brush my teeth and then I fix my hair and then I slap on deodorant and then I wash my face and then I go into my room to my desk and then I think, “I’ll write now! Hooray! Everything is good!” And then I pick up my iPod to listen to music.

BUT THEN I think, “Hey, let’s check emailfacebooktexts!” And I do that. And then I check my app updates. And then I check to see if that STUPID NEW POCKET GOD HAS COME OUT. And then I just end up hitting refresh again and again on facebook and then I update my status and then I spin around in my chair. And then I reply to those emails. And I text someone! And they text back! And the next thing I know I’VE BEEN SITTING AT MY DESK IN MY ROOM FOR AN HOUR AND HAVE NOT WRITTEN A WORD. And I’m like, “Oh, crap, I have to write!” And I open the computer and stare at the last sentence I wrote and then I type for a little bit. But then there’s another text! And I reply to that! 

And then after a few minutes of that I actually buckle down and write pretty solidly(between texts) for an hour or so. And the I stretch, and spin around again, and wonder what to put next. Whilst wondering this I generally stop listening to my iPod, and I lose all focus entirely. My mind is set free to wander, free from the restraints of fiction and music, and usually settles on strange things. Such as, “HEY, that picture on my wall isn’t straight! Must go fix!” I fix it and then sit back down and I’m like, “I’m hungry.” And so I wander downstairs and dig through the pantry and oh, looks like someone ate the last of the CHEEZITS! And I reflect on how I need to stop eating Cheezits all the time anyway, but I’m still hungry, so I find a bagel and eat it. Then I eat another, and I realize that, “Hey look! Mail truck!” 

I have to go and find some shoes and then run down to the mailbox, to find that it’s a Victoria’s Secret magazine and some bills. for my parents. Having become dissatisfied with the mail, I go and sit on the couch and finish the bagel. Then I think, “Writing! Yeah!” I run upstairs and plop down but oh no, my room is MESSY! And so I obsessive compulsively clean my room and then sit down again. I think for a few minutes, open my laptop and try to write again. But I forgot my music so I have to set that up again.Then I write off and on for about half an hour, but then it’s lunchtime. And so I get up really fast and run downstairs and pull out some instant ramen and cook that, and then run back upstairs, grab a book, then come back down and with the help of the book make lunch last twice as long as it really should.

Then I go back upstairs and write a bit more, but then I have a total meltdown d that what I’m doing is absolute awfulness and then I go back and forth with myself, saying, “YES! It is terrible!” Then my inner confidence screams, “NO! It’s wonderful!” And then my self-doubt says, “BADNESSPANTS!” And then my confidence is like, “Well… um…it’s okay if it’s bad! You can suck sometimes!” And then my self-doubt says victoriously, “SEE! I was right! It’s bad! Haha!”

And then I try to write a few more sentences  but somehow get sucked into checking to see if there are any new videos in my subscribed list on YouTube, and then I just watch the old ones when there aren’t, and then I play video games, and then I go downstairs and wander around aimlessly, and then I come back up and text someone, and then I think, “Hey! I wanted to write today!” And then it’s 5:00 PM. You may not notice this, but I hate this time of day. I feel lazy and tired and usually have a headache. And then my brain says, “Nooo… not the words… don’t press the keys… agh… please, don’t…” And then I go downstairs and wonder when dinner is and get a soda and come back up and it’s six, and I’m all fine, and I try to write for a few more minutes. Then DINNER happens and the next thing I know I’m sitting back in the chair in my pajamas and I realize that I am tired.

That’s what my ‘writing days’ are like: 30% working and the rest of the day is spent wanting to work but not for some reason.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Hailey permalink
    August 4, 2010 6:12 pm

    IT’S ALL MY FAULT.
    If I text you in the middle of something, just tell me to leave you alone. I’d be totally okay with it. Anything to help.

  2. emmafj permalink
    August 5, 2010 8:37 am

    THE STUPID NEW POCKET GOD UPDATE HAS COME OUT!!

    oh and your self-doubt is very funny :)

  3. jess permalink
    August 5, 2010 3:12 pm

    ummmmmmmmm… okay, wow. I hate how all the super-duper-ultra talented people are always like, “boo-hoo-hoo! I’m not good at it!” I just want to hit them with their laptop (or ballet shoes or gymnastics leotard or instrument or microphone or whatever) and be like, “Shut up you super amazing person!” So jake- shut up! you are so good at this stuff. never doubt yourself. :D :P

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